Sticky Licky Ramen  A SasuNaru Story
by Priori Incantatum
Summary: Naruto get's kidnapped by Kiba and beaten, Sasuke comes to save him, but Naruto's cuts are so bad he needs medical attention. Insert Nurse Gilbert. There's fighting, romance, children, crazy people, sasunaru, and a unicorn. What else do you need?


It was night. The rain hit the window rhythmetically. Blood, dried and new, was splattered across the walls and floor. Naruto was in a corner. His hands were chained to the walls behind him. His clothes lay in shreds just barely covering his genitals.

Large gashes covered most of Naruto's somewhat buff chest. He had been held captive for a month now; the only way he could tell were from the regular beatings he received daily. Both of his eyes were black, he was breathing heavily from lack of oxygen, food, and water.

But he was still fighting. Somewhere down below his heart, just a little past his pelvis, he had hope contained in the place his lover knew best-his balls.

_Sasuke will come for you_ they said. Naruto truly believed them. True, he was out of his mind; he had been for a long time. The fact that his captor was keeping him drugged didn't help much. He was almost to the point where he couldn't hope anymore. The once strong voice his balls had been now faded into a tiny whisper so quiet you needed to be absolutely still to hear it. Naruto sat like a rock, listening to their whisper, and it was all he needed to keep up hope.

A squeak echoed through the room. Light poured in; it was bright enough for Naruto to see the walls. Picture after picture of him hung; one from his twelfth birthday, his first kiss, his first date. Even one from the Christmas party last year when Sasuke had raped him. Ah, the memories.

The door was now fully opened and Naruto gathered his strength to look at his captor. He was the essence of pure evil, who had way too much of an attachment to dogs. He was straight from the pits of obsessive fan-girl hell. It was Kiba.

"Well well well, look at what we have here. A helpless damsel in distress, Gah, it's no wonder you're the uke."

Naruto sat grim, trying not to scream. He knew what would happen if he did, and it wouldn't be pleasant.

"Oh, so now I get the silent treatment. I don't see why, I'm _so _much better than Sasuke, am I right, or am I right?" Kiba's lips curved into a smirk. He started bringing around something from behind his back.

"I guess you don't want some of my….RAMEN!" He whipped forward what he had been holding and waved it around, letting the sweet aroma of ramen pierce Naruto's nostrils. His mouth started to water and what little of the brain cells he had left, died.

"RAMEN!" He cried.

"Would you like some, hmmm?" The corner of Kiba's lips turned up into a smirk.

"YES!" Naruto responded immediately.

Kiva laughed menacingly. His head turned from side-to-side, making his brown hair become a blur. He looked at Naruto, an expectant smile on his lips, an evil gleam in his eye.

"Tell me you love me." He stated.

"W-what? I-NEVER! But you have _ramen_! But…what about Sasuke? I-I….I can't.

"Are you sure? It's miso ramen with extra pork from Ichiraku!"

"WHAT! NO!" Naruto's face pulled into a grimace. "I can't, I won't! I love Sasuke!"

"Oh come 'on! WHY? What does Sasuke have that I don't? Don't answer that." Kiba said just as Naruto was opening his mouth. He shut it and looked down. Kiba huffed and turned on his heel to leave. But being the klutz he is tripped on his own two feet and spilled the ramen all over Naruto.

Naruto hungrily licked at himself, letting the juices hang on his tongue. Kiba stood up looking at Naruto, with a strange gleam in his eye.

"Why won't you lick me like that?" He asked.

"It is because I taught him well. He obeys only me!" A voice came from out of the blue.

Naruto looked bewildered, then shocked, then like he had to take a crap, then bewildered again.

"_Sasuke_." Kiba and Naruto said in sync.

"Hello Kiba, Naruto. Having fun, I see."

"SASUKE! You came for me! I knew you would!" Naruto cried. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, this time, of his own choice.

"You thought I wouldn't? I will always come for you, even if you had gotten eaten by a fat man and were now dismembered pieces of the shell of a boy you are now." Sasuke replied.

"Sasuke, I…wait what? I AM NOT A SHELL…OR A BOY!" Naruto fumed, and raised his arm to take a swing at Sasuke. The chain on the wall held strong and, muttering a few profanities, put his arm back down.

Sasuke smirked and started laughing. Naruto shouted curse words at his lover. Kiba just sat there, not really knowing what to do. That is, until he had thought of a brilliant plan. He silently left the room, and went upstairs to his bedroom. He sat down on the bed and pulled out the drawer of his nightstand. He could still hear the two arguing downstairs.

"_How can they argue this much and still be in love with each other? Well I don't need Naruto I have something much more provoking_." Kiba thought. He took out the contents of his drawer, put the item he needed in his pocket and walked downstairs to the basement.

"Hey guys." He started, but the two weren't even listening, so intent were they on dominating the other. "Guys…" He tried again, but unsuccessfully acquired their attention. Kiba thought for a second before knowing what to do. He took in a deep breath and screamed as loud as he could.

Both Naruto and Sasuke covered their ears, so girly was his scream. Both looked at Kiba when he finished and yelled "WHAT!"

"I'm going to leave you two alone now, feel free to do…whatever. See-ya! Oh and Sasuke, I'll be expecting that…payment soon." Kiba smirked as he walked away closing the door behind him, leaving the lovers alone in the darkness.

Sasuke produced a lighter and some candles. _"God knows where he kept them this whole time. " _Naruto thought.

Sasuke lit the candles and moved closer to Naruto. He looked deep into his eyes and smiled. A genuine, loving smile.

"Naruto, do you know how long I've been looking for you?"

"A month?" Naruto guessed.

Sasuke smiled. "No, longer than that. I've been looking for you my whole life. You are my whole soul and my heart. I lo…Naruto why the hell do you have ramen all over you?"

"Uh yeah well, Kiba had ramen and tripped, he spilled it on me…yeah."

"He never cleaned it?"

"No...Well it was a little before you came."

"Uh-huh. I guess I'll have to clean it for you." Sasuke got a mischievous gleam in his eye as he tore off what little clothing Naruto had.

Naruto was confused until he felt Sasuke's hand grab his penis. Naruto moaned as Sasuke rubbed his thumb along the length. He arched his back as Sasuke went down on him. Groaning as he felt Sasuke's tongue trail a path across his balls, and arching his back as Sasuke took all of him in his mouth. He trembled as he came minutes later, blushing at how fast it was. Sasuke smiled.

"_We're only getting started._"

Naruto gasped. Sasuke turned him around, and pushed himself in. In, out, in, out, going for a few hours until Naruto screamed. This scream was a scream of agony. One of Naruto's cuts had opened up and Naruto was bleeding badly.

Sasuke bent down and picked up a scrap of clothing and tried, unsuccessfully, to stop the bleeding.

When Naruto started falling, Sasuke picked him up and dragged him to the hospital.

Sasuke ran in with Naruto, bruised and bloody, in his arms. He began searching for someone, anyone to help. It was a ghost town in there.

"Hello? Anyone? I NEED HELP!" Sasuke called out.

A person came running into the room. Sasuke looked at them. They had long, lean legs, though covered with white tights. A _very _short nurse dress on. They even had decent size breasts. "_If I were straight I'd bang her. But I'm gay, and with Naruto. Ah, Naruto…Oh shit he's dying_!" Sasuke thought.

"Please help him." Sasuke said as he looked up at the nurse's face. "Holy Sh—"

"Holy Sheep is right. What in the world happened to him?" The nurse said as she, ahem, HE looked at Sasuke.

Sasuke didn't answer, so absorbed was he with the nurses face. He was obviously a man. Acne was on his face, and a giant zit covered his nose like Mt. Vesuvius. He had short black hair that looked like a monk's haircut. He had somewhat dark skin, obviously Asian. His eyes were brown, and he had white teeth.

"SCUSE ME BOY, WHAT YOU STARIN AT?" He said.

"Oh um…nothing, just your...us…nice….features." Sasuke replied, taken aback by the man's choice of words.

"Oh…you think I have nice features?" Sasuke nodded his head and the nurse laughed. "Well then, how you doin?" He replied suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows at him.

Sasuke just looked at the nurse, not sure of what to do.

The nurse smiled at him, and started unbuttoning his dress. It was then Sasuke noticed his name tag, '_Nurse Gilbert' _A few moments later, he looked back up at the nurse to notice him almost in his birthday suit.

"Whoa whoa WHOA! What ARE you doing!" Sasuke shouted.

"You're not the first person to ask me that." Nurse Gilbert gave him a tired look and started to cry.

"Oh come 'on! I didn't mean it like that! I was just-uh…" He was at a loss for words. Sasuke didn't know what to do when people cried; Naruto was the one who comforted people. "_Naruto_." Sasuke looked on the floor and sure enough Naruto was lying there in a puddle of blood.

"AHH! LOOK I NEED YOUR HELP!" He shouted.

Nurse Gilbert looked up from self-wallowing and stared at him.

"What do you need help with? Haven't you hurt me enough?"

Sasuke took a deep breath. This dude was starting to piss him off.

"Okay look. I would go out with you, but I'm in a relationship right now, and my partner is sort-of on the ground DYING, so I need you to fix him and we can all go on with our lives, k?" Sasuke stated.

"Let me get this straight. You would date me, but you won't because of this dork on the floor, correct."

Sasuke nodded.

"Well then," Nurse Gilbert smiled evilly. "I have just the remedy to take care of this."

He walked to the Nurse's Station and went under the desk. Sasuke heard him open up a drawer and walk back to him. Nurse Gilbert smiled at him; out of the corner of his eye, Sasuke saw a glint of light.

Gilbert let out a wild scream and charged at Naruto. Gilbert was fast, but Sasuke was faster. He screamed and charged at Gilbert. Gilbert hadn't seen it coming; therefore he couldn't brace himself for impact. Both bodies went flying across the room. Gilbert's head crushed into the wall; Sasuke had used Gilbert as a shield so nothing happened to him. From across the room Sasuke heard Naruto whisper his name. He took himself off Gilbert and started crawling towards Naruto.

Gilbert came-too and saw Sasuke going towards Naruto. He looked at his hand and saw he still had the dagger. Gilbert didn't think and pounced at Sasuke, lodging the dagger into his back. Sasuke screamed and fell to the ground.

"You...**bitch**." He screamed.

Gilbert smirked and laughed. Sasuke looked at Naruto and smiled. "_We'll be together, we'll always be together_." He thought.

Sasuke reached out and grabbed Naruto's hand. "_I never thought death could be this peaceful. Well except for the son-of-a-bitch nurse and the dagger in my back_." Sasuke smiled and closed his eyes. He was ready for death.

"That's IT? God, you're a wimp. Not even going to fight it. Pssh, I'm glad you're going to die. You waste-of-space." Gilbert spat.

"Yep, that's it. I'm going to kill you." Sasuke said. He reached behind him, pulled out the dagger, and smiled menacingly at Gilbert. Gilbert's eyes widened; he stood up to run, but Sasuke grabbed his ankle and he fell. Sasuke smiled at him. "Get ready for a shitload of pain." He said. Then Sasuke _had his way_ with Nurse Gilbert.

Just as he finished, and Gilbert was twitching, another nurse came into the room. She gasped, got out a gurney, strapped Naruto in and brought him to the ICU. After hours of surgery, he was done.

Sasuke was in the waiting room when the nurse came in. She smiled at him and nodded to a door then left. He took that as a 'go right on in, he's fine' and followed the directions.

Naruto was sitting up in bed. Almost all parts of him were bandaged up; he was smiling. Sasuke went up to the edge of the bed.

"Hi…are you okay?" he asked.

"Believe It!" Naruto replied, a dumb grin on his face.

Sasuke laughed and leaned over to give his lover a kiss and a little something extra.

Two months later Sasuke and Naruto were at home watching TV. Naruto had been home for a month. All the bandages were off, the scars had faded. Naruto hadn't thought about the incident with Kiba for a while now.

The doorbell rang. Sasuke looked at Naruto.

"What?" He asked

"The doorbell is ringing." Sasuke stated.

"REALLY? Oh, thank you. I would have never figured it out without you."

"You're welcome little uke." Sasuke smirked.

Naruto got up to get the door. He returned a few minutes later with a hard face and a visitor.

"Hello Gilbert." Sasuke said coolly.

"Sasuke." Gilbert said.

"Alright, what the hell do you want?" Sasuke exclaimed, getting off the couch and crossing his arms.

"I'm pregnant, and it's your baby."

Seven months went by.

Sasuke and Naruto helped Gilbert with the baby, a boy to be named Gilligan.

By the time Gilbert was in labor, Sasuke was ready to kill him.

Gilligan was born on May 4. The birth took 3h 2m 1s…Sasuke counted.

As soon as Gilligan was cleared and ready to leave the hospital, Sasuke took him and Naruto and ran outside. Gilbert went hostile looking for his baby, and ran followed them outside. Sasuke saw him coming and looked around. It was sunset and no taxis were out. Naruto gasped and pointed towards the sun. Coming to them, was a purple unicorn.

"OOH PRETTY!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Bingo." Sasuke said.

The unicorn came close to the two, and stopped in front of them. Sasuke shifted Gilligan to one arm and hopped on the unicorn. Naruto hopped up behind him, and the three took off into the sunset, one happy family.

Meanwhile, Gilbert was breaking down in front of the hospital, nude, crying that his baby had been kidnapped. Kiba happened to be walking by and got a dastardly plan.

"Excuse me, why are you crying?" He asked, while wiping away Gilbert's tears.

Gilbert looked at him, and sighed. "My baby was stolen not too long ago by his father and his partner. They took off on a purple unicorn and rode off into the sunset leaving me here by myself, all alone."

Kiba nodded in understanding. "Would this father of his happen to Sasuke, and the partner Naruto?"

Gilbert looked dumbfounded. "Yes, that is them. How did you know that?"

Kiba smiled at Gilbert. A mischievous twinkle in his eye. "I have a past with those two, and I need payment. I think you and I can help each other." Kiba said

Gilbert looked at him, curiosity and vengeance written all over his features. "I would very much like that. How are we going to help each other though?"

"I have a plan. You will get your baby back, and I will get revenge. Come with me; let's take a walk and talk." Kiba smiled at Gilbert. Gilbert smiled back and linked arms with Kiba, walking nowhere in particular, just talking about revenge. By the light of moon, Kiba turned to Gilbert. Gilbert looked up at him, and the two shared a passionate kiss letting all their worries leave, if only for a few minutes…or hours.

Alrighty then! How was that? I might make a sequel featuring Gilbert and Kiba trying to get vengeance at Naruto, Sasuke and Gilligan. But maybe not, depends on if the people want it.

Also, the sex part was my first time writing something like that, so bear with me.

Thanks!


End file.
